The True Self Hidden in Christ
Sunflower
Sunflowers sprouted up through the rocks this summer. Unexpected joy from discarded birdseed rising above the sitting wall, a hope that can be hidden.
The mustard seed, the smallest of seeds, grows into the largest of bushes. In a reflection in Give Us This Day, Sr. Melannie Svoboda wrote about the hidden potential in seeds and in each one of us. She writes, “What lies hidden can matter the most.” In the mystery of God’s creative power, somehow the seed becomes something greater, robust and alive. It happens at different times and in unexpected ways depending on the seed and conditions in the soil and climate.
If my dad were alive today, he would be ninety three. When I think of hidden potential, I think of him. Many seeds were planted throughout his life: moments of kindness, love and mercy from his wife, children, and countless others. The slow work of God followed him into death. Now, the mustard seed is growing, flourishing even – “purgatory” as we call it in Catholic circles. I can’t say I saw much fruition of the seeds planted in my father growing up, though from my perspective and dimmed lens, I am probably not being altogether fair. I did not witness a realization of his potential in this life. He struggled to grow and heal from his own traumatic upbringing. This affected his marriage and relationships with his children, and professionally. From my perspective, the seed lay dormant at times. Without knowing it, he passed on the hurt and shame he experienced as a child.
I believe that the seeds planted in this life: the encounters with love and mercy, healing, encounters with the sacred, the arms that hold us, comfort us and pray for us – these seeds remain, but can be hidden. The Letter to the Colossians reads, “your life is hidden with Christ in God” (3:3). Our hidden potential, in essence our true self, lies in this mystery. At our core, in our truest selves, we are beloved daughters and sons of God. Many things in life can keep us from embracing this identity in Christ, causing us to stay hidden.
How can we begin to uncover our true selves? By tending the seeds planted in ourselves and others. Like gardening, nurturing the soil, protecting the plants from extreme heat, watering when needed. Remembering that it’s God who provides the rain, the sun and the soil of the earth.
When Jesus says that the Kingdom of God is like a Mustard Seed (Mt 13:31-35), the growth will happen in spite of me. And when I prevent or if I’m unable to cultivate this growth, blocked by trauma, the seed remains though it is hidden. “With Christ in God” I can recover my truest self unhindered by personality, achievements or successes. The true self is who God created me to be, free of the constraints of this life.
From the beginning of time, the seed was planted and will not die, not even when my physical body dies. Seeds grow in unexpected places, like the sunflowers that sprouted out of rocks in my backyard. May I have eyes to see wherever it grows. The hope of hidden potential in my search for my real self. My dad is becoming his true self again. The mustard seed is flourishing. I can’t wait to meet him.
